List Price: $24.95
Amazon Price: $8.00
Average Customer Rating: 
(12 reviews)
Editorial Review: Each year in this country, 30 million men and their partners are robbed of an essential part of their lives when they are faced with sexual dysfunction due to diabetes, prostate cancer, an injury or psychological reasons. Many desperately want advice, but are too embarrassed to broach the subject with a doctor or even with each other.
In their timely and medically recognized book, Making Love Again, Virginia and Keith Laken give hope to these individuals who, like themselves, want to "feel normal" again.
Virginia tells the story of how she and her husband have dealt with his sexual dysfunction, brought on by a radical prostectomy at the age of forty-nine. She reveals the solutions that have brought them closer together, and offers further resources and support groups that can be found on both the Internet and through local and national organizations.
Making Love Again proves that it is possible to break free of one's pre-conceived ideas about sex, and to o...
Customer Reviews:
10 of 10 found this review helpful:
read this book together, 2006-05-02
This book is written by a husband and wife who continue to experience permanent impotence as a result of prostate cancer sugery. The book is structured like a "diary" with dated entires over a several-year period written separately by both husband and wife who are honest about their fears, disappointments and frustrations. It does not dwell on the surgery itself, but focuses on the post-surgical successes and disappointments as they try to engage in sexual relations using various options. It focuses on the loving relationship between the spouses, but it is also realistic about sexual needs -- from both partners' perspectives.
My husband is a young 65 and I am 46; we read this book out loud together about 9 months post-prostatectomy surgery, and it was tremendously helpful to both of us. After the surgery, the doctor had told us that impotence was unlikely in our situation, so we were not prepared for it. The book was particularly helpful with dealing with the disappointment we both felt in this regard. The book also helped us to see that most couples have to struggle with several alternatives for intimacy over a lengthy period and that not every option works for every couple.
The book was not at all preachy, but instead was subtly encouraging to my husband to be open to trying a wide variety of options that we probably would not have considered otherwise. (It does not suggest anything kinky). It gave us information that allowed us to resume [drug-induced] intercourse, which we believed was physically impossible.
A big relevation for me was that impotency is not always an "all or nothing" concept. I had no idea how discouraging it can be for a male who simply doesn't know whether he can or cannot physically perform -- or whether he will ever be able to.
The theme of the book is not to quit looking for satisfactory ways to experience intimacy and sexuality -- whatever that may look like in your personal situation. It does discuss a very intimate topic, but it does so in an honest way and it was not as difficult to read outloud together as I had expected. It gave us detailed information that we did not know and that we would never have felt comfortable asking for from our physician. Having read the book, we knew what the doctor was talking about when he suggested various options.
I definitely recommend this book, regardless of the reason for the impotence issues. I think it would be most useful for a couple -- it is written by and for heterosexual couples, but it would be equally applicable to homosexual couples as well. In my opinion, the book would be less useful for singles, although it could be helpful for a single female who is considering or is in a relationship with a male with impotence issues.
2 of 2 found this review helpful:
Great Book, 2006-03-20
This is a great book on the subject of impotence. I am an 8 year Prostate Cancer survivor and this book tells it like it is. Virginia and Keith are to be commended for sharing the intimate details of their recovery.
This is great information for anyone dealing with the effects of prostate cancer. It provides a roadmap for working through the side effects of most prostate cancer treatments.
16 of 17 found this review helpful:
I've Found Real Hope After 14 Years, 2004-06-14
14 years after my husband's first diagnosis of prostate cancer I learned several facts in this book, but, most important, for the first time it has made me begin to believe that things CAN be different for us if we both choose to work at it.Diagnosis. Treatment he chose and I said I'd support was radiation and we *thought* we'd been told about all the possible longterm effects. NOT SO! Six years later I saw a vital, athletic, physical man feeling totally becoming afraid of, tense about, uninterested in our previously-fabulous sex life. Finally, this week when I read this book, we learned that some impotence develops much later from radiation than from surgery, but it *will* develop!
Then depression. Deep. Sullen. Withdrawal from interests and from me. Our physician prescribed medication and counseling. The counselor saw him *once* and said, "Go home and don't be so passive!" Flat, flat affect. No joy. But he kept *trying*, bless him!
Then four years ago recurrence! It took my husband
over 6 months to choose a treatment and he only did so then because our doctor and I insisted on it! Surgery. At our city's outstanding cancer center. SUCCESS. His PSA is undetectable.
He does have some mild incontinece.
The surgery team introduced us to Muse. It worked 90% for us and the team was very excited for us. We used it once. Once in 3 1/2 years! From then on my husband has just refused to act on sex, talk about sex.
I've tried everything. I've begged my husband to return to the team and ask them for direction. He couldn't bring himself to do that. We grew farther and farther apart. My heart was breaking. I felt unattractive and sad and rejected.
Last week I read this book. I finished it in two sittings. And I was deeply touched and am now full of hope and new courage. When I handed it to my husband I only said that it was the most important thing that has happened to us in 14 years. I said it has touched me deeply and asked him to read it this week so we can discuss it next weekend. He promised he will read it tonight.....but, interestingly, he has gone to bed early not feeling well. Whether it's another "avoiding" or a real headache I won't know but a few days. But I really believe that when he does read it he will see he's not alone. He'll see we are not alone.
Right now I'm going to order several copies. I'll give one to each of our adult children so they'll know where we've been in our marriage. One will go to our surgery team to share with patients. Another will go to our family doctor so she can read it and have more personal knowledge of what prostate couples go through.
This is one of the five most important books in my life.
22 of 22 found this review helpful:
Sensitive, insightful, helpful for those facing impotency, 2002-12-25
For Virginia the decision seemed easy, Keith's fear of becoming impotent from the prostatectomy was irrational in relation to the possibility of dying. How could he even think that being able to have sex was as important as living? For Keith the decision was not as easy. With his male ego wrapped up in the decision and the importance of being able to have sex with his wife it just was not as simple. After deciding in favor of the operation there was a lot of adjustments to be made and Virginia found that things were a lot more complex than she had imagined.
In "Making Love Again", Virginia and Keith Laken invite the reader into their personal lives and the difficulties they faced as a result of his prostatectomy. Their thoughts, fears, hopes, and disappointments are laid bare to the reader as they openly discuss deeply personal questions and feelings. If you ever wanted to know what it is like to deal with impotence in a marital relationship this book deals with the emotional struggles that are not normally discussed openly. The power of a loving commitment, strength for the challenge, and hope shine through as well as a true commitment to help others through the copious listing of sources of help in the appendix.
Readers should be cautioned that because this book necessarily discusses sexual intimacy between two people some may find it too graphic at points. On the other hand, it shows the extent to which the authors are letting the reader into their personal lives. "Making Love Again" is a very highly recommended book for those going through concerns about a prostatectomy or any sudden impotency of a permanent or temporary nature.
8 of 8 found this review helpful:
Glad to have someone to share with, 2002-09-30
My husband and I have been secretly dealing with some issues that have been genuinely dicussed in this book. It was great to get "real" and say it like it is and also to know that I share with her experience. We both read it the first day it arrived and we really got a lot of comfort from knowing this is how others think and react. Like the author, we have a special relationship based on trust, freindship and committment. Not sex! That true love has enable us to remain strong, united and loving.
Thank you for sharing, you have given us some ideas and certainly peace that we are not the only one!
Availability: Usually ships in 24 hours
